THE BEST WAYS TO PREVENT STRONG HOMESICKNESS, Part 1
1. Include your child in camp planning.
In Chapter 1, we talked about how important it is for kids to feel they have some control over the decision to spend part of their summer at camp. Now you know why. Kids who feel forced to go away are more likely to feel homesick than kids who feel they got to help their parents make decisions about camp. It’s important to include your child in the whole process.
2. Talk with your child about homesickness.
Since part of living at overnight camp means parents and children are apart, we think it’s a good idea to spend some time together now. In the months before camp starts, find a quiet time with your child and cover the “Points to Remember about Homesickness” from the text box on the previous page. Such a discussion will help educate your child about homesickness, and lay the foundation for the anti-homesickness strategies we outline in the Just for Kids chapter.
If you have any difficulty getting a discussion going, try starting with an anecdote of your own experience with homesickness. Alternatively, you might say something like:
3. Use a wall calendar to plan for camp.
Show your child when camp starts, how long it lasts, and when you’ll pick her up. The fewer surprises, the less nervous the whole family will be about camp. We have seen a few campers who arrived at camp pretty stressed out because their parents mixed up which session they were coming. The families went into tailspins when they realized that camp started tomorrow (!) instead of two weeks from tomorrow. As soon as you register, mark “Opening Day” and “Closing Day” boldly on your wall calendar.
4. Put the length of stay in perspective.
Kids, especially younger ones, don’t have accurate concepts of time. To them, two or four weeks can sound like an eternity. Putting time in perspective is a method of giving them an accurate idea of how long they’ll be away from home. This kind of factual preparation often diminishes anxious feelings. There are a couple of excellent ways to help children put time in perspective.
One way to put time in perspective is “marking time.” Use the wall calendar on which you’ve marked the camp dates. Together, count the number of days between Opening Day and Closing Day. Let’s say it adds up to 14. Then explain, “OK, here’s how long you’ll be at camp. That’s 14 days. Now let’s turn back to this month, where we are now. Find today, and start marking off 14 days. You can cross off today right before you go to bed tonight.” Mark the passage of time each day with your child. On the fourteenth day, ask, “How did those two weeks feel? Did it feel like a long time, a short time, or just right?” The answer doesn’t matter; it’s the mental focus on the passage of time that counts.
A second method of putting time in perspective is “referencing time.” By this, we mean referring your child to a memorable time of similar length. For most kids, winter break is a good one. You can say, “Well, you’ll be at camp for two weeks, and that’s about how long winter break lasted. Did that seem like a long time, a short time, or just right?” Again, your child’s answer is not as important as his accurate mental focus on what two weeks feels like.
Putting time in perspective helps kids get a handle on the duration aspect of overnight camp. The more predictable camp seems, the more comfortable it actually is.
5. Reframe time.
If your child is still nervous after you’ve helped put her length of stay in perspective, you can try “reframing” time. Reframing time helps children mentally shrink how long their camp stay feels. The easiest way to do this is to help them recall an especially fun time of comparable duration. You might say, “Remember spring vacation? You played outside and we rented videos. Well, that vacation was ten days, and it was over before you knew it. The same thing will happen at camp. Once you start having fun, the time will fly by.”
Another way to reframe time is to say something like, “How many weeks in a year? Right, there are 52. And you’re eight and a half years old. So you’ve been alive for about 450 weeks! That’s a lot of weeks! And camp is only two weeks. Two weeks is really not that long, when you consider you’re 450 weeks old. Plus, summer vacation is 10 weeks long. Two out of 10 weeks doesn’t seem like that much.” Reframing time is a great way to make your child’s camp stay seem shorter. It also helps prevent exaggerated statements like, “I’m gonna be at camp forever! Two weeks is practically my whole vacation!”
6. Keep doubts to yourself.
Try not to say things that will make your child worry about how you’ll feel when he’s away at camp. Sure, you’ll miss him, but you’ve got some interesting things to do while he’s at camp, right? Good. Better to say, “Of course I’ll miss you, because I love you. But I know you’ll have a great time at camp” than to say, “I don’t know what I’m going to do while you’re gone having a great time at camp. I’m going to miss you so much, but I’ll survive somehow.” The first sentences convey a positive message and the second ones give your child something to worry about. Leaving home is easier for kids when they know that everything is going to be all right while they’re gone.
Deep down, you know your child will have a good time at camp, and will make it through on her own. Your vote of confidence will mean a lot to her. Remind her of how proud you are of her and how she got to help make the decision to go to camp. Tell her that camp will be a fun challenge. If you sense she’s anxious, remind her that she’s learning things now to help her get the most out of camp.
7. Arrange for practice time away from home.
A long weekend at a friend’s house, a stay with grandparents, or a simple sleep-over can help your child get used to being away from home. The more familiar he is with the feeling of separation, the less likely he is to be severely homesick. The key during these “dress rehearsals” is to simulate, as much as possible, the camp separation. What does that mean? For starters, it means not talking on the phone, since most camps have a “no phone call” policy. It also means that you, and especially your child, should practice writing a letter or two. After all, that’s the primary way that you’ll stay in touch during camp.
Once your child has completed his practice trip, you can further enhance his ability to deal with homesick feelings. Talk with him about what he could and could not change about the trip, and about the ways he coped with homesick feelings, if he had any. Here are the main questions to ask and points to cover when you’re recapping your child’s practice trip:
In Chapter 1, we talked about how important it is for kids to feel they have some control over the decision to spend part of their summer at camp. Now you know why. Kids who feel forced to go away are more likely to feel homesick than kids who feel they got to help their parents make decisions about camp. It’s important to include your child in the whole process.
2. Talk with your child about homesickness.
Since part of living at overnight camp means parents and children are apart, we think it’s a good idea to spend some time together now. In the months before camp starts, find a quiet time with your child and cover the “Points to Remember about Homesickness” from the text box on the previous page. Such a discussion will help educate your child about homesickness, and lay the foundation for the anti-homesickness strategies we outline in the Just for Kids chapter.
If you have any difficulty getting a discussion going, try starting with an anecdote of your own experience with homesickness. Alternatively, you might say something like:
“Camp is still a few months away, but I wanted to talk with you about what it’s going to be like to be away from home for a while. You’ll probably have so much fun that you won’t think about home except when you’re writing or reading letters. Still, there might be some times when you fell a little homesick, even though you’re having a great time. The important thing to remember is that there are lots of things you can think or do to feel better if you feel a little homesick. Most kids have two or three favorite ways of dealing with homesickness. Between now and the start of camp, you can spend some practice time away from home, perhaps the weekend at one of your friends’ houses. That will help you figure out what works and what doesn’t work for times when you miss home. You can also find out what works best for other kids by reading the Just for Kids chapter in the “Summer Camp Handbook.”
3. Use a wall calendar to plan for camp.
4. Put the length of stay in perspective.
Kids, especially younger ones, don’t have accurate concepts of time. To them, two or four weeks can sound like an eternity. Putting time in perspective is a method of giving them an accurate idea of how long they’ll be away from home. This kind of factual preparation often diminishes anxious feelings. There are a couple of excellent ways to help children put time in perspective.
One way to put time in perspective is “marking time.” Use the wall calendar on which you’ve marked the camp dates. Together, count the number of days between Opening Day and Closing Day. Let’s say it adds up to 14. Then explain, “OK, here’s how long you’ll be at camp. That’s 14 days. Now let’s turn back to this month, where we are now. Find today, and start marking off 14 days. You can cross off today right before you go to bed tonight.” Mark the passage of time each day with your child. On the fourteenth day, ask, “How did those two weeks feel? Did it feel like a long time, a short time, or just right?” The answer doesn’t matter; it’s the mental focus on the passage of time that counts.
A second method of putting time in perspective is “referencing time.” By this, we mean referring your child to a memorable time of similar length. For most kids, winter break is a good one. You can say, “Well, you’ll be at camp for two weeks, and that’s about how long winter break lasted. Did that seem like a long time, a short time, or just right?” Again, your child’s answer is not as important as his accurate mental focus on what two weeks feels like.
Putting time in perspective helps kids get a handle on the duration aspect of overnight camp. The more predictable camp seems, the more comfortable it actually is.
5. Reframe time.
If your child is still nervous after you’ve helped put her length of stay in perspective, you can try “reframing” time. Reframing time helps children mentally shrink how long their camp stay feels. The easiest way to do this is to help them recall an especially fun time of comparable duration. You might say, “Remember spring vacation? You played outside and we rented videos. Well, that vacation was ten days, and it was over before you knew it. The same thing will happen at camp. Once you start having fun, the time will fly by.”
Another way to reframe time is to say something like, “How many weeks in a year? Right, there are 52. And you’re eight and a half years old. So you’ve been alive for about 450 weeks! That’s a lot of weeks! And camp is only two weeks. Two weeks is really not that long, when you consider you’re 450 weeks old. Plus, summer vacation is 10 weeks long. Two out of 10 weeks doesn’t seem like that much.” Reframing time is a great way to make your child’s camp stay seem shorter. It also helps prevent exaggerated statements like, “I’m gonna be at camp forever! Two weeks is practically my whole vacation!”
6. Keep doubts to yourself.
Try not to say things that will make your child worry about how you’ll feel when he’s away at camp. Sure, you’ll miss him, but you’ve got some interesting things to do while he’s at camp, right? Good. Better to say, “Of course I’ll miss you, because I love you. But I know you’ll have a great time at camp” than to say, “I don’t know what I’m going to do while you’re gone having a great time at camp. I’m going to miss you so much, but I’ll survive somehow.” The first sentences convey a positive message and the second ones give your child something to worry about. Leaving home is easier for kids when they know that everything is going to be all right while they’re gone.
Deep down, you know your child will have a good time at camp, and will make it through on her own. Your vote of confidence will mean a lot to her. Remind her of how proud you are of her and how she got to help make the decision to go to camp. Tell her that camp will be a fun challenge. If you sense she’s anxious, remind her that she’s learning things now to help her get the most out of camp.
7. Arrange for practice time away from home.
A long weekend at a friend’s house, a stay with grandparents, or a simple sleep-over can help your child get used to being away from home. The more familiar he is with the feeling of separation, the less likely he is to be severely homesick. The key during these “dress rehearsals” is to simulate, as much as possible, the camp separation. What does that mean? For starters, it means not talking on the phone, since most camps have a “no phone call” policy. It also means that you, and especially your child, should practice writing a letter or two. After all, that’s the primary way that you’ll stay in touch during camp.
Once your child has completed his practice trip, you can further enhance his ability to deal with homesick feelings. Talk with him about what he could and could not change about the trip, and about the ways he coped with homesick feelings, if he had any. Here are the main questions to ask and points to cover when you’re recapping your child’s practice trip:
- What were the things about the trip that you could change? If necessary, prompt your child by saying: Some examples of things you could change are: how many letters you wrote, what activities you chose to do, and who you talked to about your feelings. What are some other examples of things you could change?
- What were the things about the trip you could not change? If necessary, prompt your child by saying: Some examples of things you could not change are: how long you were away, what the house rules were, and what the weather was like. What are some other examples of things you could not change?
- The best way to deal with any problem, including homesick feelings, is to change the things you can change and then adjust to the things that you can’t change. Follow-up by asking: Why do you think this works? Everyone is different. What works best for you?
- One of the things you can change when you get to camp is how much you’re participating in activities. Follow-up by explaining: In fact, doing a fun activity is the best way to forget about homesick feelings. However, if you feel homesick and you’re by yourself, it can be hard to start a fun activity. It’s a good idea to find someone else to play with. Doing a fun activity with someone else feels great.
- For the things that you can’t change, try adjusting the way you think about them. Follow-up by explaining: For example, you can’t change the number of days that you spend at camp. So try adjusting to that idea. Remember that even though you’re away from home for a few days, you’ll see me again soon. By the end of the camp session, you may even wish you could stay longer. Thinking that way can make you feel a whole lot better.
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