WHAT ELSE SHOULD PARENTS CONSIDER?
Besides your child’s level of interest, age, and the length of each camp session, there are four other factors to consider when deciding whether the time is right for overnight camp: Experience, attitude, family, and parents.
Experience
It has been said that experience is the best teacher. This is certainly true of overnight camping. Some practice time away from home will give your child an idea of whether the time is right for a session of overnight camp. This preliminary experience could be a sleep-over or a long weekend at a friend’s house, a week alone with relatives, a two-day school trip, or an overnight Scout or youth group outing. Here is one boy’s opinion about what makes it easier for older children to leave home and spend time at overnight camp:
Our research suggests that boys and girls with some previous experience being away from home are generally less likely to be homesick than children who have never spent any time away from home. It’s
just as 9-year-old Bobby observed. Indeed, most children have an intuitive feeling about when they are ready to be away from home, and how long seems comfortable. Talking with your child about these feelings will make it easier to decide on the best time to go to camp, the best camp to attend, and the best length of stay.
Attitude
Your child’s attitude about living at overnight camp is other important factor to consider. In several studies, we found that boys and girls who have positive expectations about camp had more fun and were generally less homesick than children who thought camp was going to stink. This makes sense. One way to help your child develop a positive attitude about camp is to include him in decisions about camp. Let him help you decide when to go away to camp, how long to stay, and which camp is best. Also, learn as much as possible about the camp you choose before you go. Just like adults, kids feel less apprehensive when they know what’s going to happen, where it’s going to happen, and what’s expected of them. They develop positive attitudes about their camp when it feels familiar.
Family
Families are constantly changing. New babies are born. Grandparents die. Friends move away. New neighbors move in. Parents get separated or divorced. Everyone packs up and moves across the country. Family members get sick. Kids change schools. Cousins come to stay for a while. All sorts of things can happen to a family. Many of the changes are joyous. Other changes are stressful and sad.
To a child, going away to overnight camp can be happy, stressful, and sad all at once. Therefore, when you think about whether the time is right for your child, you must think about whether the timing is right for the whole family. Our studies have demonstrated that stressful family events do not necessarily make it harder for children to have fun at camp. Stressful separations, like the death or illness of a loved one, divorce, custody changes, or a move to a new house, may or may not make the separation from home difficult for your child. It really varies from one child to another.
So how will you know whether your child can adjust to overnight camp after a recent stressful family event? There’s no way to tell for sure, but talking about the transition to camp with your child is a good place to start. It’s normal for kids (and parents, too!) to be nervous about overnight camp if the family has recently suffered a loss. For all the wonderful independence that overnight camp instills in children, there are times when a family needs to be all together. If your child is excessively worried about leaving home, or if she’s unusually depressed, clingy, or upset, you should talk with her about the possibility of not going away to overnight camp this year. There will always be next year.
Remember, your child’s attitude about camp is a good predictor of whether she’ll have a fun time or not. It’s hard for kids to have fun at camp when they are worried about things that are happening at home. Therefore, avoid using camp as a place to sequester your child during a period of transition or loss. Instead of insulating her from stress, you might just be giving her the time and space to ruminate. On the other hand, if your family has had enough time to deal with a recent stressful event, and your child is enthusiastic about overnight camp, then camp might be the perfect thing for both of you.
Parents
It’s important to consider your own attitudes and behaviors because they influence your child’s attitudes and behaviors. If you’re nervous about his going away to camp, it will show, no matter how hard you try to hide it. Of course, a little bit of nervousness is OK. It’s perfectly normal for parents to be a little sad and nervous when their child goes away, and kids know that. After all, they know you love them. But if you show a great deal of sadness or anxiety, then your child may think to himself, “Gee, if my parents are that upset about the whole camp thing, then there must be something scary about it. I should probably be pretty upset too.” The research findings won’t surprise you. Children who are very nervous or sad in the months before they come to camp are more likely to feel nervous, sad, and homesick at camp than children who are relatively cheerful in the months prior to camp.
There is one other reason to monitor your own attitudes and behaviors. If you seem very distressed, then your child might feel guilty about leaving home. The principle is simple: If your child is worried about you, it is harder for him to concentrate on having fun at camp. He might feel that his job should be to stay home and take care of you. You may need to assure him that you’ll be fine, and that you have a lot to do while he’s away at camp.
Despite giving your child uniformly positive messages about camp, you may nevertheless find her getting cold feet just prior to opening day. This is common for first-year campers, but even veteran campers get nervous about whether their old friends will be back, what has changed about camp, and who their cabin leader will be. Some kids may become quite upset and adamant about withdrawing their enrollment at the last minute, and parents struggle not to cave to these emotional demands. In such cases, it’s important to be empathetic but committed. So far, you’ve been collaborating with your child about her decision to go to camp. A day or two before camp starts, however, is a time to be firm and confident. You might say something like, “Madeline, I know how excited you are for camp to start, but I can see that part of you is nervous now that opening day is close. It’s normal to be wondering what camp will be like, but once you get to camp, you’ll be able to answer a lot of the questions you have now. I’m glad we’ve made a careful decision about camp together, and we both know it’ll be wonderful. I want you to go and have a good time. I know it can hurt a little to leave home, but once you get into the routine at camp, you’ll love it. Don’t forget: we’ll be in touch, so you can tell me how you’re doing.” Your child is likely to appreciate your unwavering vote of loving confidence.
Besides your child’s level of interest, age, and the length of each camp session, there are four other factors to consider when deciding whether the time is right for overnight camp: Experience, attitude, family, and parents.
Experience
It has been said that experience is the best teacher. This is certainly true of overnight camping. Some practice time away from home will give your child an idea of whether the time is right for a session of overnight camp. This preliminary experience could be a sleep-over or a long weekend at a friend’s house, a week alone with relatives, a two-day school trip, or an overnight Scout or youth group outing. Here is one boy’s opinion about what makes it easier for older children to leave home and spend time at overnight camp:
I think that older kids have gone away on school trips, like on a skiing trip, and they know how it is to be, like, away from your parents and they’re more mature...they can use breaks from their parents...When you spend time away from home, you learn that you’re not with your parents, but you’ll always be in their mind and stuff. It gets easier and easier to spend time away from home.
-Bobby, age 9
-Bobby, age 9
Our research suggests that boys and girls with some previous experience being away from home are generally less likely to be homesick than children who have never spent any time away from home. It’s
Attitude
Your child’s attitude about living at overnight camp is other important factor to consider. In several studies, we found that boys and girls who have positive expectations about camp had more fun and were generally less homesick than children who thought camp was going to stink. This makes sense. One way to help your child develop a positive attitude about camp is to include him in decisions about camp. Let him help you decide when to go away to camp, how long to stay, and which camp is best. Also, learn as much as possible about the camp you choose before you go. Just like adults, kids feel less apprehensive when they know what’s going to happen, where it’s going to happen, and what’s expected of them. They develop positive attitudes about their camp when it feels familiar.
Family
Families are constantly changing. New babies are born. Grandparents die. Friends move away. New neighbors move in. Parents get separated or divorced. Everyone packs up and moves across the country. Family members get sick. Kids change schools. Cousins come to stay for a while. All sorts of things can happen to a family. Many of the changes are joyous. Other changes are stressful and sad.
To a child, going away to overnight camp can be happy, stressful, and sad all at once. Therefore, when you think about whether the time is right for your child, you must think about whether the timing is right for the whole family. Our studies have demonstrated that stressful family events do not necessarily make it harder for children to have fun at camp. Stressful separations, like the death or illness of a loved one, divorce, custody changes, or a move to a new house, may or may not make the separation from home difficult for your child. It really varies from one child to another.
So how will you know whether your child can adjust to overnight camp after a recent stressful family event? There’s no way to tell for sure, but talking about the transition to camp with your child is a good place to start. It’s normal for kids (and parents, too!) to be nervous about overnight camp if the family has recently suffered a loss. For all the wonderful independence that overnight camp instills in children, there are times when a family needs to be all together. If your child is excessively worried about leaving home, or if she’s unusually depressed, clingy, or upset, you should talk with her about the possibility of not going away to overnight camp this year. There will always be next year.
Remember, your child’s attitude about camp is a good predictor of whether she’ll have a fun time or not. It’s hard for kids to have fun at camp when they are worried about things that are happening at home. Therefore, avoid using camp as a place to sequester your child during a period of transition or loss. Instead of insulating her from stress, you might just be giving her the time and space to ruminate. On the other hand, if your family has had enough time to deal with a recent stressful event, and your child is enthusiastic about overnight camp, then camp might be the perfect thing for both of you.
Parents
It’s important to consider your own attitudes and behaviors because they influence your child’s attitudes and behaviors. If you’re nervous about his going away to camp, it will show, no matter how hard you try to hide it. Of course, a little bit of nervousness is OK. It’s perfectly normal for parents to be a little sad and nervous when their child goes away, and kids know that. After all, they know you love them. But if you show a great deal of sadness or anxiety, then your child may think to himself, “Gee, if my parents are that upset about the whole camp thing, then there must be something scary about it. I should probably be pretty upset too.” The research findings won’t surprise you. Children who are very nervous or sad in the months before they come to camp are more likely to feel nervous, sad, and homesick at camp than children who are relatively cheerful in the months prior to camp.
There is one other reason to monitor your own attitudes and behaviors. If you seem very distressed, then your child might feel guilty about leaving home. The principle is simple: If your child is worried about you, it is harder for him to concentrate on having fun at camp. He might feel that his job should be to stay home and take care of you. You may need to assure him that you’ll be fine, and that you have a lot to do while he’s away at camp.
Despite giving your child uniformly positive messages about camp, you may nevertheless find her getting cold feet just prior to opening day. This is common for first-year campers, but even veteran campers get nervous about whether their old friends will be back, what has changed about camp, and who their cabin leader will be. Some kids may become quite upset and adamant about withdrawing their enrollment at the last minute, and parents struggle not to cave to these emotional demands. In such cases, it’s important to be empathetic but committed. So far, you’ve been collaborating with your child about her decision to go to camp. A day or two before camp starts, however, is a time to be firm and confident. You might say something like, “Madeline, I know how excited you are for camp to start, but I can see that part of you is nervous now that opening day is close. It’s normal to be wondering what camp will be like, but once you get to camp, you’ll be able to answer a lot of the questions you have now. I’m glad we’ve made a careful decision about camp together, and we both know it’ll be wonderful. I want you to go and have a good time. I know it can hurt a little to leave home, but once you get into the routine at camp, you’ll love it. Don’t forget: we’ll be in touch, so you can tell me how you’re doing.” Your child is likely to appreciate your unwavering vote of loving confidence.
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