13.1 Letters from Home 1

CHAPTER 13
STAYING IN TOUCH

I remember, as a first-year camper, being so eager to get mail that I got caught up in an age-old practical joke.  On Sunday, one of the cabin leaders would say, “We need some of you to run up to the baseball field and meet the mail helicopter.”  A bunch of us Cadets would start sprinting up to the field, until someone realized that mail doesn’t come on Sundays.  It was great to be eight.
                        -Hans, age 19

       
THE LETTER LOTTERY

Getting a letter at camp was like winning the lottery.  When we were campers, our cabin leaders would walk in each afternoon holding a small stack of letters.  They’d tease us a little by reading the return addresses.  “Let see…does anyone know someone who lives at 32 Otsego Road?”  One of the us would recognize his home address and scream, “I do!  I do!  That’s my dad!  That one’s for me!”  We loved that game.  We loved everything about getting mail.  Sending it was another story.

In this chapter, we’ll discuss the four basic ways you can keep in touch with your child while he’s at camp: letters, electronic messages (faxes and e-mails), phone calls, and “care packages.”  Using these forms of correspondence wisely can help your child enjoy camp even more.  At the end of the chapter, we’ll give you some tips on enjoying visiting day, if your child’s camp has one.

LETTERS

No news is good news when it comes to kids at camp.  If you don’t receive any letters from your child while she’s at camp, you’re not alone.  The best you can do is pack pre-stamped, pre-addressed envelopes and paper, and write letters that encourage your child to write back.  Every single letter you write will be deeply appreciated, but you may not get a reply.  Generally, this means your child is having so much fun, there’s no time to write.  If you don’t pack pre-stamped, pre-addressed envelopes for your child, be sure she knows how to address, return address, and stamp an envelope properly.  Many kids don’t, and their letters don’t go far.

How do I write a good letter from home?

A good letter from home is newsy, upbeat, and encouraging.  Your goal is to say a cheerful hello and give a positive report about what’s been going on.  You want to instill confidence and support your child’s growing independence.  Avoid mentioning sad things that your child can’t do anything about.  Save mild bad news until you can talk to your child face to face.  (Obviously, if there is a major piece of bad news to report, and you need to tell your son or daughter immediately, you wouldn’t put that in a letter either.  Instead, you’d call camp and talk to the director first.)  In a quality letter, it’s fine to say that you miss your child, but don’t say that you’re miserable.  Hearing bad news you can’t do anything about makes kids feel helpless.  Helplessness leads to homesickness, depression, and anxiety. 

Here’s an example of a newsy, upbeat, and encouraging letter from home:

Dear Chris,
    How is camp going?  Did you get a chance to do archery yet?  I know you were pretty excited about that when we dropped you off.  I’m sure you’re getting to try lots of fun new activities.

    What’s your cabin leader like?  He sure seemed nice when I talked with him.  I think that’s pretty neat that he’s going to the same college as Aunt Kathy went to.  What a coincidence!

    Yesterday, I worked until about 4:30pm and then came home to weed the garden.  I was surprised to find four big tomatoes that were already ripe!  I picked them and brought them inside for dad to make spaghetti sauce later this week.

    Spot is doing great.  Dad and I take turns walking him.  Yesterday, he found a tennis ball under the Borozan’s hedges and he was running around trying to get me to play catch.  I did for a while, but then the ball got really slimy.  Yuck!

    Dad has been working hard, and looking forward to this weekend.  On Sunday, he’ll probably watch the game and then we’re cooking dinner for the Rutars.  Do you remember Mr. and Mrs. Rutar?  Mrs. Rutar was Danilo’s math teacher in fourth grade.  I haven’t seen her since April.

    I’m so happy that you had the chance to go to camp this summer, Chris.  What a wonderful experience!  I just loved camp when I was your age.  My favorite part was singing songs.  Have you learned any camp songs?  What about camp cheers?

    Dad and I miss you and we love you a lot.  We’ll be there to pick you up on Saturday the 16th.  Until then, have a great time.  I’ll write more soon.

                    Love, Mom

P.S.  I cut out the last three Beekota cartoons from the paper and enclosed them.  I’ll send the Sunday cartoons on Monday.  Enjoy!

This letter sounds a little contrived because it is.  You can surely write something more personal and sincere.  The strength of this sample is that it contains the key elements of a good letter from home: It’s newsy, upbeat, and encouraging.  Plus, it mentions when the parent will write again, and it contains a lot of questions.  This invites the child to write back.  (You can at least hope, right?)  Finally, the letter includes some newspaper comics.  Interesting, age-appropriate newspaper or magazine clippings add interest to your letters.  You can also insert photographs or drawings or whatever you dream up that fits in an envelope.

Now compare this sample good letter to a pretend bad letter from home:

Dear Chris,
    Do you miss me?  I sure do miss you.  Sometimes, I just sit around and think about what we’d be doing if you were here.  Even Spot misses you.  When I take him for a walk, he doesn’t seem as peppy as he usually does.  Maybe he’s sick.

    I’m really sorry to tell you that one of your hamsters died.  I’ve been feeding them every day, so I don’t know what happened.  At least there’s one left.  He seems lonely.

    Not much else is new around here.  It’s actually pretty boring.  Dad and I have both been working.  Yesterday I weeded the garden.  You know: same old, same old.  The tomatoes are ripe now, so they’ll probably be gone by the time you get home.

    Speaking of home, I hope you’re not homesick.  You’re too old for that.  Plus, camp is a luxury, you know.  A lot of kids never get to go to a camp like yours.

    Don’t forget to eat your vegetables.  How is the food, by the way?  I remember when I went to camp, years ago, the food was awful.  The worst was “Mystery Meat.”  I never did figure out what they put in there.  Yuck!

    Well, see you soon.
                    love, Mom

You’d think that no one would ever write a letter this awful, but campers have shown us a few letters that came close.  Parents don’t write this kind of dreary letter on purpose, it just comes out.  They don’t think about the effect that it will have on their child.

The sample letter above contains all sorts of elements of a poor letter from home.  For example, it dwells on how much the parent misses the child and it provides several pieces of bad news.  It almost guarantees to make the child homesick by giving him lots to worry about.  Is my dog sick?  How is my other hamster doing?  Will there be any tomatoes left?  Are my parents doing OK, or are they bored to death?  What’s in my food?  When will mom send the next letter?  This sample bad letter also gives the child things to feel guilty about.  Was the hamster’s death my fault?  If I don’t like camp, am I a bad person?  Mom says I’m “too old” for homesickness, but I feel it anyway.  Am I normal?  Will she be mad if I tell her?

We hope you laughed a little at how bad this sample bad letter was.  Now you won’t worry about writing something that might make your child uncomfortable or homesick.  But what if she is homesick?  Every parent dreads receiving the classic “Homesick at Camp” letter.  How do you respond?  Let’s take a look at some sample homesick letters.

Dear Mom and Dad,
    Camp is terribal.  I am homesick almost every minnut.  I tried evrything, and nothing works.  I need to come home rite now!  Please, please, please come and get me today!
                    love, Ruthie

   
Or what about this one...

Dear Mom and Dad,
    This camp stinks!  The cownsillers are all mean and so are the kids.  All I want to do is come home.  If you dont come pick me up, I am going to run away.  I swayr.  I hate this place! 
                    your son, Brandon

How can parents respond to letters like these?  Most parents have one, natural, first instinct: Get in the car and go get the kid.  Then they realize that would defeat the purpose of the whole overnight camping experience.  A shortened stay should be a last resort, not a first one.  We’ll discuss shortened stays in Chapter 17.  For now, let’s stick with writing good letters.

The second instinct that most parents have is to call the camp.  That’s a better instinct, but remember, you should be calling to talk with the camp director or to your child’s cabin leader, not to your child.  (Unless, of course, your child is at one of those rare camps that allows children to talk routinely to their parents on the phone.  More about phone calls below...)

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