6. SAY GOOD-BYE
As with the rest of opening day, the rule of thumb here is to plan, but remain flexible. Parents and kids should decide together how long they want to hang out together at camp before parents head home. Many campers want parents to leave as soon as they have moved into their cabin. “OK, Mom,
you can go now!” isn’t easy for a mother to hear, but it expresses a clear preference. Other children want their parents to stay longer. Here is where practice time away from home, such as a sleep-over, can bring valuable experience to bear. Having separated before, families know what their good-bye styles are. They know how to compromise to respect each others’ preferences. How will you say good-bye? A short walk? A hug and a kiss? Just a hug? A high-five? Talking it over now will make your good-bye go more smoothly.
Once you’ve said good-bye, you should make a decisive departure. Lingering or returning unexpectedly after a short time can make your child increasingly anxious about when you might actually leave, because the plan you made before is apparently no longer in effect. Plus, when parents linger, other kids can become jealous or uncomfortable. They might also think that a child with lingering parents is needy, and therefore difficult to befriend.
You might see some unexpected separation behavior in your child. Every cabin leader has seen campers break down and cry when their parents get ready to leave. Most have also seen campers struggle to rush their parents out of camp. Remember, you are sending your child to camp to gain independence. It may start right away, or it might not. If you sense that your child wants you to stay longer than you had anticipated, that’s fine, but try to stick to your initial plan for saying good-bye. Acknowledge the feeling (empathize) and then give your child a choice. For example, you might say, “I can tell you’d like me to stay a while longer. It’s hard to say good-bye. But we agreed that once we’d registered and you’d unpacked, I’d be on my way. We could say good-bye now or in ten minutes. Which time sounds better to you?”
Perhaps your child will have no trouble at all with good-byes. Don’t be surprised or upset if she makes friends quickly at camp and doesn’t want you to hang around too long. This is a positive sign of growing independence.
THINKING AHEAD (ABOUT VISITING DAY AND THE END OF CAMP)
Camp has not even started, but you need to think about the next important day. This may either be a visiting day or the end of camp. If you know when the camp allows parents to pick up their kids, you can set a reunion time together now. Remember that predictability can decrease anxiety, but you can’t be exact. It’s best to decide on a pick-up time window—such as “between 9:00 am and 10:00 am”—to allow for the inevitable traffic, detours, and other snags parents encounter on visiting days or closing days.
If the camp does have a visiting day, make every effort to come. A kid whose parents couldn’t find the time to visit feels hurt watching other kids’ parents shower affection. If huge distances or emergency commitments make it impossible for you to come on visiting day, try to work out another arrangement. Although it’s not as fun as seeing one’s own parents, kids do enjoy going out with their friends and their friends’ family on a visiting day. To set up this kind of arrangement, you must call, write, or fax the camp and give permission to have your child taken out of camp by someone else. If possible, try to set up these arrangements weeks or months ahead of time. This will give your child time to adjust to the idea.
Some camps hand out fliers on opening day to remind parents when the closing date and time is. That’s a great idea. If the camp doesn’t provide a written reminder, parents should write their own reminder. One of most pitiful things that we witnessed as cabin leaders was a kid waiting for his parents to arrive on closing day, nearly three hours after the pick-up time had elapsed. We still remember the dreary look on his face when he explained, “My parents said they would be here by 2:00 and it’s already 4:45...” Scenarios like this one happen every summer. Of course, you’re only human, but do your best to be on time.
As with the rest of opening day, the rule of thumb here is to plan, but remain flexible. Parents and kids should decide together how long they want to hang out together at camp before parents head home. Many campers want parents to leave as soon as they have moved into their cabin. “OK, Mom,
Once you’ve said good-bye, you should make a decisive departure. Lingering or returning unexpectedly after a short time can make your child increasingly anxious about when you might actually leave, because the plan you made before is apparently no longer in effect. Plus, when parents linger, other kids can become jealous or uncomfortable. They might also think that a child with lingering parents is needy, and therefore difficult to befriend.
You might see some unexpected separation behavior in your child. Every cabin leader has seen campers break down and cry when their parents get ready to leave. Most have also seen campers struggle to rush their parents out of camp. Remember, you are sending your child to camp to gain independence. It may start right away, or it might not. If you sense that your child wants you to stay longer than you had anticipated, that’s fine, but try to stick to your initial plan for saying good-bye. Acknowledge the feeling (empathize) and then give your child a choice. For example, you might say, “I can tell you’d like me to stay a while longer. It’s hard to say good-bye. But we agreed that once we’d registered and you’d unpacked, I’d be on my way. We could say good-bye now or in ten minutes. Which time sounds better to you?”
Perhaps your child will have no trouble at all with good-byes. Don’t be surprised or upset if she makes friends quickly at camp and doesn’t want you to hang around too long. This is a positive sign of growing independence.
THINKING AHEAD (ABOUT VISITING DAY AND THE END OF CAMP)
Camp has not even started, but you need to think about the next important day. This may either be a visiting day or the end of camp. If you know when the camp allows parents to pick up their kids, you can set a reunion time together now. Remember that predictability can decrease anxiety, but you can’t be exact. It’s best to decide on a pick-up time window—such as “between 9:00 am and 10:00 am”—to allow for the inevitable traffic, detours, and other snags parents encounter on visiting days or closing days.
If the camp does have a visiting day, make every effort to come. A kid whose parents couldn’t find the time to visit feels hurt watching other kids’ parents shower affection. If huge distances or emergency commitments make it impossible for you to come on visiting day, try to work out another arrangement. Although it’s not as fun as seeing one’s own parents, kids do enjoy going out with their friends and their friends’ family on a visiting day. To set up this kind of arrangement, you must call, write, or fax the camp and give permission to have your child taken out of camp by someone else. If possible, try to set up these arrangements weeks or months ahead of time. This will give your child time to adjust to the idea.
Some camps hand out fliers on opening day to remind parents when the closing date and time is. That’s a great idea. If the camp doesn’t provide a written reminder, parents should write their own reminder. One of most pitiful things that we witnessed as cabin leaders was a kid waiting for his parents to arrive on closing day, nearly three hours after the pick-up time had elapsed. We still remember the dreary look on his face when he explained, “My parents said they would be here by 2:00 and it’s already 4:45...” Scenarios like this one happen every summer. Of course, you’re only human, but do your best to be on time.
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